It has been 3 months since the official "adoption wait" has begun for me. I'd like to say it has been a piece of cake but I would not be telling the truth if I said that. The words excruciating and weary come to mind when I think of this wait. I totally believe that God is in control and if He wants this adoption to happen it will happen in His time - but its another thing altogether to live it out at each moment. It is a moment by moment decision to trust and to submit to His plan. It is such a "unique" wait - knowing that it will happen (if it is His will) but having no idea when.
In moments when I doubt that it will happen I have to remember the moments along the way when I believed that God was leading me to this or encouraging me to keep taking steps. I remember how the thought of adoption continued to come to me and that is why I sought to know if it was a "right" thing biblically for a single woman to do. I sought counsel from pastors and friends who love the Lord and want to please Him. After it was clear that it was more of a wisdom choice rather than a biblical choice, I purposed to continue to take steps until He "told" me to stop. I remember being concerned about finances and getting checks in the mail that I had no idea were coming - proof that He can handle those things. I remember driving to my first meeting with the agency and being scared to death that this wasn't the right decision - and the next song on my iPod was "All the way my Savior leads Me." I remember driving away from another meeting and feeling very alone - and the next song on my iPod was "You are not Alone." I remember being concerned about childcare and the cost, and then my sister said she would watch the baby two days a week and through a friend I found a lady (the same race my child will be) to watch the baby the other three days. She offered to hold a spot for my baby and the cost was almost exactly what I was budgeting! With those things along with other situations I am sure I am forgettting and countless Bible verses I am reminded that He is still at work!
When thoughts of hopelessness, weariness, etc come to me I am learning to combat these lies with the Truth of the Word:
LIE: This situation is hopeless! This wait will go on forever! TRUTH: My hope is in God! (Psalm 25:5, Psalm 62:5) He is my ONE desire! (Psalm 73:25:26) He will not delay! (Psalm 145:15-16, Isaiah 55:8-9)
LIE: God is being malicious and mean. He doesn't care about this situation. TRUTH: He cares for me! (1 Peter 5:7) He crowns me with love and compassion and satisfies my desires with good things! (Psalm 103:4-5)
LIE: God is not in control. I have to trust people to make this happen. TRUTH: God will move in the heart of the birthmom! (Prov. 21:1) I don't have to concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me - my hope is in Him! (Psalm 131) His arm is not too short! (Numbers 11:23) He works all things together for my good! (Psalm 22:5, Romans 8:28-29)
This post was more for me than others today. I need daily reminders of truth as each day goes by. I am learning to trust on a whole new level and know God is at work in my heart. I am thankful for His protection and for the way He is working - even though I can't see it. I am thankful for songs, Scripture and people that He has used to encourage me. Please pray that God would work in the heart of the birthmoms who are looking at my bio - that the right mom would take special interest in it. I also need your prayers for patience and peace - and that the wait may be over soon (if that is his will). :)
God is good.
